Best Quotes Of The Day
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Best Quotes Of The Day
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Steven Wright
Date of birth:
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Date of death:
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"I replaced the headlights in my car with strobe lights, so it looks like I’m the only one moving."
―
Steven Wright
Topic(s):
Car
"Babies don’t need a vacation, but I still see them at the beach… it pisses me off! I’ll go over to a little baby and say ‘What are you doing here? You haven’t worked a day in your life!’"
―
Steven Wright
Topic(s):
Life
"I went to the bank and asked to borrow a cup of money. They said, “What for?” I said, “I’m going to buy some sugar.”"
―
Steven Wright
Topic(s):
Money
"I intend to live forever. So far, so good."
―
Steven Wright
Topic(s):
Funny
"I have an answering machine in my car. It says, I’m home now. But leave a message and I’ll call when I’m out."
―
Steven Wright
Topic(s):
Car
"I went to a restaurant that serves “breakfast at any time”. So I ordered French Toast during the Renaissance."
―
Steven Wright
Topic(s):
Time
"I’m writing a book. I’ve got the page numbers done."
―
Steven Wright
Topic(s):
Funny
"If God dropped acid, would he see people?"
―
Steven Wright
Topic(s):
God
"For my birthday I got a humidifier and a de-humidifier… I put them in the same room and let them fight it out."
―
Steven Wright
Topic(s):
Birthday
"I had to stop driving my car for a while… the tires got dizzy."
―
Steven Wright
Topic(s):
Car
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