"I found there was only one way to look thin: hang out with fat people." ― Rodney Dangerfield Topic(s): Funny More From Rodney Dangerfield "My wife’s jealousy is getting ridiculous. The other day she looked at my calendar and wanted to know who May was." "My marriage is on the rocks again, yeah, my wife just broke up with her boyfriend." "With my wife I don’t get no respect. I made a toast on her birthday to ‘the best woman a man ever had.’ The waiter joined me." More In Funny "I have a love interest in every one of my films: a gun."― Arnold Schwarzenegger "California is a fine place to live – if you happen to be an orange."― Fred Allen "I’m very silly as a person, but quality silliness on-screen has more of an art to it. Harrison Ford, whom I was in ‘Morning Glory’ with, has mastered that dry funny better than anyone."― Rachel McAdams