"Yeah, I know I’m ugly… I said to a bartender, ‘Make me a zombie.’ He said ‘God beat me to it.’" ― Rodney Dangerfield Topic(s): God More From Rodney Dangerfield "This morning when I put on my underwear I could hear the fruit-of-the-loom guys laughing at me." "I worked in a pet store and people would ask how big I would get." "I haven’t spoken to my wife in years. I didn’t want to interrupt her." More In God "Hope is some extraordinary spiritual grace that God gives us to control our fears, not to oust them."― Vincent McNabb "Religion is not a conclusion of the reason."― Lyman Abbott "Women can stand a beating except when it is with their own weapons."― Samuel Butler