"I drink too much. The last time I gave a urine sample it had an olive in it." ― Rodney Dangerfield Topic(s): Time More From Rodney Dangerfield "My wife’s jealousy is getting ridiculous. The other day she looked at my calendar and wanted to know who May was." "My wife wants sex in the back of the car and she wants me to drive." "I looked up my family tree and found out I was the sap." More In Time "Mom and Dad were married 64 years. And if you wondered what their secret was, you could have asked the local florist – because every day Dad gave Mom a rose, which he put on her bedside table. That’s how she found out what happened on the day my father died – she went looking for him because that morning, there was no rose."― Mitt Romney "I am shocked at how much time I spend in the White House. I mean, you know, for people on the outside, the idea of going to the White House for a meeting must seem like the most important, serious, even glamorous kind of thing to do."― Hillary Clinton "Time is but the stream I go a-fishing in."― Henry David Thoreau