"I failed to make the chess team because of my height." ― Woody Allen Topic(s): Funny Tags: failed More From Woody Allen "I am two with nature." "Why does man kill? He kills for food. And not only food: frequently there must be a beverage." "It is impossible to experience one’s death objectively and still carry a tune." More In Funny "It’s the cushiest job, but some lines are so funny that I crack up."― Dan Castellaneta "The IRS! They’re like the Mafia, they can take anything they want!"― Jerry Seinfeld "Liberty doesn’t work as well in practice as it does in speeches."― Will Rogers