"I don’t have a bank account because I don’t know my mother’s maiden name." ― Paula Poundstone Topic(s): Funny More From Paula Poundstone "I’m thankful that my memory is good because my vision is going." "I used to watch ‘The Waltons’ and sob because my family was nothing like that. We had a cruel sense of humor in my family." "My Mom said she learned how to swim when someone took her out in the lake and threw her off the boat. I said, ‘Mom, they weren’t trying to teach you how to swim.’" More In Funny "At home in L.A., Sunday is lazy. It’s the wife and me lying in bed with coffee, watching ‘The Soup’ or something funny on TiVo. The kid will occasionally join us. Eventually, breakfast is at a place down the street called Paty’s. And we always have some kind of great dinner – my wife makes a great roast beef."― Eric McCormack "Acting is all about big hair and funny props… All the great actors knew it. Olivier knew it, Brando knew it."― Harold Ramis "I have the strength to endure it all."― Moshe Dayan