"I was so naive as a kid I used to sneak behind the barn and do nothing." ― Johnny Carson Topic(s): Funny More From Johnny Carson "The only thing money gives you is the freedom of not worrying about money." "If variety is the spice of life, marriage is the big can of leftover Spam." "If it weren’t for Philo T. Farnsworth, inventor of television, we’d still be eating frozen radio dinners." More In Funny "I don’t think my judgment is that good. I don’t know what is funny."― Jerry Stiller "I’m undaunted in my quest to amuse myself by constantly changing my hair."― Hillary Clinton "When I eventually met Mr. Right I had no idea that his first name was Always."― Rita Rudner