More From Jerry Seinfeld
- "You know you’re getting old when you get that one candle on the cake. It’s like, ‘See if you can blow this out.’"
- "A two-year-old is kind of like having a blender, but you don’t have a top for it."
- "Marriage is like a game of chess except the board is flowing water, the pieces are made of smoke and no move you make will have any effect on the outcome."
More In Funny
- "Johnny Rotten. He’s a big fan of mine. I used to see him out in the audience in England and he’d stand up and holler. He’s funny. Smart too, and a nice guy. Don’t think he’s a jerk because he isn’t."― Don Van Vliet
- "You know how it is with writing. You just write what you want to write. There’s no way to predict what is good or bad. You just do what you think is funny, and either it works or you’re finished. It’s impossible to predict anything."― Colin Quinn
- "Funny things happen to you in movies for silly reasons."― Michael Caine