"A two-year-old is kind of like having a blender, but you don’t have a top for it." ― Jerry Seinfeld Topic(s): Funny More From Jerry Seinfeld "The IRS! They’re like the Mafia, they can take anything they want!" "I love being a dad. I just love it." "Where lipstick is concerned, the important thing is not color, but to accept God’s final word on where your lips end." More In Funny "Maybe I’m delusional but I’m usually funny. It’s not 100% but I have a pretty good batting average."― Adam Carolla "A man’s got to take a lot of punishment to write a really funny book."― Ernest Hemingway "I don’t mind where I work, it’s really nice to be able to travel around and taste the flavours of different countries."― Toni Collette