"While playing golf today I hit two good balls. I stepped on a rake." ― Henny Youngman Topic(s): Good More From Henny Youngman "When I told my doctor I couldn’t afford an operation, he offered to touch-up my X-rays." "This man is frank and earnest with women. In Fresno, he’s Frank and in Chicago he’s Ernest." "Do you know what it means to come home at night to a woman who’ll give you a little love, a little affection, a little tenderness? It means you’re in the wrong house, that’s what it means." More In Good "If you can’t make it good, at least make it look good."― Bill Gates "If I am walking with two other men, each of them will serve as my teacher. I will pick out the good points of the one and imitate them, and the bad points of the other and correct them in myself."― Confucius "A return to first principles in a republic is sometimes caused by the simple virtues of one man. His good example has such an influence that the good men strive to imitate him, and the wicked are ashamed to lead a life so contrary to his example."― Niccolo Machiavelli