"I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me." ― Fred Allen Topic(s): Funny More From Fred Allen "An actor’s popularity is fleeting. His success has the life expectancy of a small boy who is about to look into a gas tank with a lighted match." "The first time I sang in the church choir; two hundred people changed their religion." "An advertising agency is 85 percent confusion and 15 percent commission." More In Funny "I actually find novels that are determined to be funny at every turn quite oppressive."― Ian Mcewan "Money won’t buy happiness, but it will pay the salaries of a large research staff to study the problem."― Bill Vaughan "Flattery is like cologne water, to be smelt, not swallowed."― Josh Billings