"Y’know, you can’t please all the people all the time… and last night, all those people were at my show." ― Mitch Hedberg Topic(s): Cool More From Mitch Hedberg "The depressing thing about tennis is that no matter how good I get, I’ll never be as good as a wall." "This shirt is dry clean only. Which means… it’s dirty." "Why is Cloud 9 so amazing? What is wrong with Cloud 8? That joke came off the top of my head, and the top of my head ain’t funny!" More In Cool "Both conservatives and liberals watch ‘Parks and Recreation,’ and they each think the show is for them, which is really cool. ‘SNL’ was totally different. It was exciting because everyone was paying attention. Political humor works when people know what you’re talking about."― Amy Poehler "Internet mailing lists are like Fox television shows. They have really cool previews, and they get you all excited about them, but they just don’t live up to their promises."― John Dobbin "I hate big government, but I really hate a government that doesn’t work. So when ‘they say we either have to raise taxes or cut core services,’ it’s actually a ‘false choice.’"― Scott Walker