"If Scotland and America go to war, I’m afraid I’ve already sworn in." ― Craig Ferguson Topic(s): War More From Craig Ferguson "I realized women and humor were linked very closely." "It’s the beauty and curse of doing a daily show. Some days you’ve got nothing to talk about and other days Dick Cheney shoots his lawyer in the face and everyone is happy." "The wedding took place in Vermont, where they have legalized gay civil unions, and I married a woman." More In War "It is only those who have neither fired a shot nor heard the shrieks and groans of the wounded who cry aloud for blood, more vengeance, more desolation. War is hell."― William Tecumseh Sherman "I love it when Muslims go to war with each other, as I do when the Christians do, because it shows there’s no such thing as the Christian world and the Islamic world. That’s all crap."― Christopher Hitchens "In war, you win or lose, live or die – and the difference is just an eyelash."― Douglas MacArthur