"Fatherhood is pretending the present you love most is soap-on-a-rope." ― Bill Cosby Topic(s): Funny Tags: fatherhood, present, pretending More From Bill Cosby "I often try to tell kids to think about all the people who love you, don’t cry over the one person who doesn’t." "Let us now set forth one of the fundamental truths about marriage: the wife is in charge." "I think the part of media that romanticizes criminal behavior, things that a person will say against women, profanity, being gangster, having multiple children with multiple men and women and not wanting to is prevalent. When you look at the majority of shows on television they placate that kind of behavior." More In Funny "My father taught me how to substitute realities."― Mira Sorvino "I have no idea what I’m going to say when I stand up to give a toast. But I do know that anything I say I find funny."― Don Rickles "Most comedy is based on getting a laugh at somebody else’s expense. And I find that that’s just a form of bullying in a major way. So I want to be an example that you can be funny and be kind, and make people laugh without hurting somebody else’s feelings."― Ellen DeGeneres