"If my kid couldn’t draw I’d make sure that my kitchen magnets didn’t work." ― Mitch Hedberg Topic(s): Mom More From Mitch Hedberg "My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them." "A waffle is like a pancake with a syrup trap." "Fettucini alfredo is macaroni and cheese for adults." More In Mom "Sex keeps me in shape. I don’t diet, I eat what I like. I love Mars bars and I smoke and drink. But I love running off in the middle of the day to make love. It really burns up calories."― Lisa Snowdon "I’m a just a mom when I walk down the street."― Alice Barrett "I cannot think of any circumstances in which a government can go to war without the support of parliament."― Tony Blair