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- "Today, one year after their divorce, Pamela and Tommy Lee announced they’re getting back together. You know what that means? There’s still hope for Ike and Tina Turner."
- "Today is Valentine’s Day – or, as men like to call it, Extortion Day!"
- "Al Jazeera aired a new tape of Osama bin Laden. It was the usual stuff, he called Bush evil, the Great Satan, called him a war monger. Basically, the same thing you heard at last night’s Democratic debate."
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- "About the time we can make the ends meet, somebody moves the ends."― Herbert Hoover
- "A chair is a very difficult object. A skyscraper is almost easier. That is why Chippendale is famous."― Ludwig Mies van der Rohe