"I don’t deserve this award, but I have arthritis and I don’t deserve that either." ― Jack Benny Topic(s): Funny More From Jack Benny "Age is strictly a case of mind over matter. If you don’t mind, it doesn’t matter." "Give me golf clubs, fresh air and a beautiful partner, and you can keep the clubs and the fresh air." "Gags die, humor doesn’t." More In Funny "I love things made out of animals. It’s just so funny to think of someone saying, ‘I need a letter opener. I guess I’ll have to kill a deer."― David Sedaris "This administration here and now declares unconditional war on poverty."― Lyndon B. Johnson "Funny, I don’t feel any more powerful today than yesterday."― Jerry B. Jenkins