More From Henny Youngman
- "Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays."
- "This man used to go to school with his dog. Then they were separated. His dog graduated!"
- "When I told my doctor I couldn’t afford an operation, he offered to touch-up my X-rays."
More In Funny
- "It’s funny – I read that women look to chiseled-faced guys for one-night stands, and to round-faced guys for marriage. When I’m rounder in the face, I like to say, ‘This is my long-term look.’ Or ‘This is my wife-and-kids look right here.’"― Garrett Hedlund
- "If it gets laughs, it’s funny."― Rachel Dratch
- "I used to think that everything was just being funny but now I don’t know. I mean, how can you tell?"― Andy Warhol