"People always ask me, ‘Were you funny as a child?’ Well, no, I was an accountant." ― Ellen DeGeneres Topic(s): Funny Tags: always, people More From Ellen DeGeneres "No matter how popular you are as a stand-up – you can go out and fill a 10,000-seat arena and be smart and funny – it’s delicate to host an awards show and know where your place is and know that it’s not about you, that it’s about the people who are nominated, and respect that, but at the same time have your moment to show them who you are." "I get those fleeting, beautiful moments of inner peace and stillness – and then the other 23 hours and 45 minutes of the day, I’m a human trying to make it through in this world." "I’ve been trying to find women writers for my staff for a while now and I have three women on my staff and three guys so it’s pretty equal. I don’t know why that is. It’s been the same thing for a while. It’s hard for female comedians to stand out. That’s weird. That’s a shame." More In Funny "What’s another word for Thesaurus?"― Steven Wright "The one thing that disturbs me about Alec is that people don’t realize that he’s really funny."― Daniel Baldwin "You have to understand the tone of the movie, because if it’s supposed to be funny, it can be funny violent like the Home Alone stuff, but you have to really understand the tone of what you’re doing and make the action work for that and for the character."― David R. Ellis