"Ever notice that Soup for One is eight aisles away from Party Mix?" ― Elayne Boosler Topic(s): Funny More From Elayne Boosler "I am thankful the most important key in history was invented. It’s not the key to your house, your car, your boat, your safety deposit box, your bike lock or your private community. It’s the key to order, sanity, and peace of mind. The key is ‘Delete.’" "I am thankful that geniuses and artists and good people, no matter how hard it is, will eventually be recognized. I am doubly thankful that also goes for idiots." "The Vatican is against surrogate mothers. Good thing they didn’t have that rule when Jesus was born." More In Funny "The digital camera is a great invention because it allows us to reminisce. Instantly."― Demetri Martin "I love animals and I love to see movies with animals that are done respectfully, you know?"― Kristin Davis "I don’t think the public is dying to see me necessarily be funny all the time."― Ben Stein