"I used to play sports. Then I realized you can buy trophies. Now I am good at everything." ― Demetri Martin Topic(s): Good More From Demetri Martin "Stand up is really fun because if I think of a joke or a funny idea, then I can just go and tell some people and if they laugh, they laugh right away." "If I have to move up in a building, I choose the elevator over the escalator. Because one time I was riding the escalator and I tripped. I fell down the stairs for an hour and a half." "And my only rule being if when I wake in the morning I’m looking forward to the things that I have to do that day, then I’m on the right track." More In Good "The art of teaching is the art of assisting discovery."― Mark Van Doren "It’s good sportsmanship to not pick up lost golf balls while they are still rolling."― Mark Twain "My wife handles all of our technology. So if something goes wrong with the computer, I throw up my arms and step aside while the IT gal figures it out."― Ty Burrell