"Maybe I’m delusional but I’m usually funny. It’s not 100% but I have a pretty good batting average." ― Adam Carolla Topic(s): Funny Tags: delusional, maybe More From Adam Carolla "I think we’re getting to the point where everyone’s getting fat and everyone’s getting allergic, or claims to be allergic to something and people can’t walk from their front door to their car without a bottle of water in their hand because they have to hydrate every three and half steps." "If Joy Behar or Sherri Shepherd was a dude, they’d be off TV. They’re not funny enough for dudes. What if Roseanne Barr was a dude? Think we’d know who she was?" "I cook a little bit. I make a Hungarian dish called chicken paprikash that’s out of this world. I’ll give a heads-up to all of your readers that it doesn’t have to be between Thai and Mexican every night. Toss some Hungarian in every once in a while. You will not be sorry. Good, solid peasant food." More In Funny "People used to be funny about approaching me, but now they seem to think I’m as sane as anyone who’s done what I’ve done in movies can be."― Philip Seymour Hoffman "Every man has his follies – and often they are the most interesting thing he has got."― Josh Billings "I’m terrible with patience."― Katherine Heigl