"This morning when I put on my underwear I could hear the fruit-of-the-loom guys laughing at me." ― Rodney Dangerfield Topic(s): Morning More From Rodney Dangerfield "A girl phoned me the other day and said… ‘Come on over, there’s nobody home.’ I went over. Nobody was home." "My wife’s jealousy is getting ridiculous. The other day she looked at my calendar and wanted to know who May was." "My wife wants sex in the back of the car and she wants me to drive." More In Morning "I’m not one of those writers I learned about who get up in the morning, put a piece of paper in their typewriter machine and start writing. That I’ve never understood."― Wole Soyinka "It was a splendid summer morning and it seemed as if nothing could go wrong."― John Cheever "Success is not a good teacher, failure makes you humble."― Shahrukh Khan