"I don’t have a bank account because I don’t know my mother’s maiden name." ― Paula Poundstone Topic(s): Funny More From Paula Poundstone "I’m thankful for Sarah Palin’s vice presidential bid, which taught us that Alaska is not in a box off the coast of California." "I’m thankful for the three ounce Ziploc bag, so that I have somewhere to put my savings." "I used to watch ‘The Waltons’ and sob because my family was nothing like that. We had a cruel sense of humor in my family." More In Funny "The pressure to being a comedian is being funny, but I’ve given that up, so there is no pressure whatsoever."― Gilbert Gottfried "Funny enough, if you are looking at people these days who are putting Botox in their face and getting all sorts of plastic surgery, we look at them and go, I can tell you’ve had Botox. I can tell you’ve had plastic surgery. You look really strange to me. But no one’s saying anything. We’re just accepting the fact that they’re strange-looking."― Guy Pearce "I got to play with Nintendo’s Wii, yes it’s a funny name and not very revolutionary but it was fun whipping your arms around."― Olivia Munn