"I was so naive as a kid I used to sneak behind the barn and do nothing." ― Johnny Carson Topic(s): Funny More From Johnny Carson "Married men live longer than single men. But married men are a lot more willing to die." "Never continue in a job you don’t enjoy. If you’re happy in what you’re doing, you’ll like yourself, you’ll have inner peace. And if you have that, along with physical health, you will have had more success than you could possibly have imagined." "I know a man who gave up smoking, drinking, sex, and rich food. He was healthy right up to the day he killed himself." More In Funny "Life would be tragic if it weren’t funny."― Stephen Hawking "I’m really funny now."― Wanda Sykes "The reason why you know more funny dudes than funny chicks is that dudes are funnier than chicks. If my daughter has a mediocre sense of humor, I’m just gonna tell her, ‘Be a staff writer for a sitcom. Because they’ll have to hire you, they can’t really fire you, and you don’t have to produce that much. It’ll be awesome.’"― Adam Carolla