"I knew I was an unwanted baby when I saw that my bath toys were a toaster and a radio." ― Joan Rivers Topic(s): Funny More From Joan Rivers "Yeah, I read history. But it doesn’t make you nice. Hitler read history, too." "Diets, like clothes, should be tailored to you." "People say that money is not the key to happiness, but I always figured if you have enough money, you can have a key made." More In Funny "Do not let a flattering woman coax and wheedle you and deceive you; she is after your barn."― Hesiod "It’s funny about men and women. Men pay in cash to get them and pay in cash to get rid of them. Women pay emotionally coming and going. Neither has it easy."― Hedy Lamarr "You know, I’ve always thought that it would be really funny if somebody made a romantic comedy where absolutely everything went well from beginning to end."― Fiona Apple