More From Emo Philips
- "I got in a fight one time with a really big guy, and he said, “I’m going to mop the floor with your face.” I said, “You’ll be sorry.” He said, “Oh, yeah? Why?” I said, “Well, you won’t be able to get into the corners very well.”"
- "Some mornings, it’s just not worth chewing through the leather straps."
- "Women: You can’t live with them, and you can’t get them to dress up in a skimpy little Nazi costume and beat you with a warm squash or something."
More In Funny
- "Funny enough, if you are looking at people these days who are putting Botox in their face and getting all sorts of plastic surgery, we look at them and go, I can tell you’ve had Botox. I can tell you’ve had plastic surgery. You look really strange to me. But no one’s saying anything. We’re just accepting the fact that they’re strange-looking."― Guy Pearce
- "I think ‘Saturday Night Live’, starting in the 1970s, really gave women an outlet to be funny. A lot of those women went on to have film careers, from Kristen Wiig now to Tina Fey and Gilda Radner."― Emma Stone
- "When I eventually met Mr. Right I had no idea that his first name was Always."― Rita Rudner