"I’ve never been married, but I tell people I’m divorced so they won’t think something’s wrong with me."
― Elayne Boosler
Topic(s):
Funny
― Elayne Boosler
More From Elayne Boosler
- "The Vatican is against surrogate mothers. Good thing they didn’t have that rule when Jesus was born."
- "I am thankful I was born in America, although if I gain any more weight the burqa thing may start to seem like a good idea to me. See? Another plus about America, you can always find some food."
- "I have six locks on my door all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three."
More In Funny
- "I’m doing 5000 seat theaters and audiences are going nuts, it’s fantastic and it makes me very happy. I’m dirty, but not like this; I just do comedy that I find funny. I’m working on a new tv show for cable and it’s not set up yet."― Bob Saget
- "People never ask people doing serious music, ‘Do you ever think about doing funny music?’"― Al Yankovic
- "A James Cagney love scene is one where he lets the other guy live."― Bob Hope