"I wanna make a jigsaw puzzle that’s 40,000 pieces. And when you finish it, it says ‘go outside.’" ― Demetri Martin Topic(s): Funny More From Demetri Martin "Stand up is really fun because if I think of a joke or a funny idea, then I can just go and tell some people and if they laugh, they laugh right away." "I love women, but I feel like you can’t trust some of them. Some of them are liars, you know? Like I was in the park and I met this girl, she was cute and she had a dog. And I went up to her, we started talking. She told me her dog’s name. Then I said, ‘Does he bite?’ She said, ‘No.’ And I said, ‘Oh yeah? Then how does he eat?’ Liar." "The comedians I liked were Bill Cosby and Steven Wright, like just always as a comedic actor. I always liked Gary Larson, who’s really funny for a cartoonist, obviously." More In Funny "I can do comedy, so people want me to do that, but the other side of comedy is depression. Deep, deep depression is the flip side of comedy. Casting agents don’t realize it but in order to be funny you have to have that other side."― Parker Posey "If it’s inappropriate to write about, if there’s nothing funny about it, then it’s not funny."― Calvin Trillin "I cannot sing, dance or act; what else would I be but a talk show host."― David Letterman