Best Quotes Of The Day
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Steven Wright
Date of birth:
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Date of death:
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"When I woke up this morning my girlfriend asked me, ‘Did you sleep good?’ I said ‘No, I made a few mistakes.’"
―
Steven Wright
Topic(s):
Good
"I remember when the candle shop burned down. Everyone stood around singing ‘Happy Birthday.’"
―
Steven Wright
Topic(s):
Birthday
"Cross country skiing is great if you live in a small country."
―
Steven Wright
Topic(s):
Funny
"I put instant coffee in a microwave oven and almost went back in time."
―
Steven Wright
Topic(s):
Time
"How young can you die of old age?"
―
Steven Wright
Topic(s):
Age
"My roommate got a pet elephant. Then it got lost. It’s in the apartment somewhere."
―
Steven Wright
Topic(s):
Pet
"Right now I’m having amnesia and deja vu at the same time."
―
Steven Wright
Topic(s):
Time
"I bought some batteries, but they weren’t included."
―
Steven Wright
Topic(s):
Funny
"I poured spot remover on my dog. Now he’s gone."
―
Steven Wright
Topic(s):
Pet
"When I die, I’m leaving my body to science fiction."
―
Steven Wright
Topic(s):
Science
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