Best Quotes Of The Day
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Best Quotes Of The Day
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Joan Rivers
Date of birth:
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Date of death:
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"What are people going to do? Fire me? I’ve been fired before. Not book me? I’ve been out of work before. I don’t care."
―
Joan Rivers
Topic(s):
Work
"She doesn’t understand the concept of Roman numerals. She thought we just fought in world war eleven."
―
Joan Rivers
Topic(s):
War
"Don’t tell your kids you had an easy birth or they won’t respect you. For years I used to wake up my daughter and say, ‘Melissa you ripped me to shreds. Now go back to sleep.’."
―
Joan Rivers
Topic(s):
Respect
"I blame my mother for my poor sex life. All she told me was ‘the man goes on top and the woman underneath.’ For three years my husband and I slept in bunk beds."
―
Joan Rivers
Topic(s):
Life
"Yeah, I read history. But it doesn’t make you nice. Hitler read history, too."
―
Joan Rivers
Topic(s):
History
"People say that money is not the key to happiness, but I always figured if you have enough money, you can have a key made."
―
Joan Rivers
Topic(s):
Happiness
"Thank God we’re living in a country where the sky’s the limit, the stores are open late and you can shop in bed thanks to television."
―
Joan Rivers
Topic(s):
God
"I’m Jewish. I don’t work out. If God had wanted us to bend over, He would have put diamonds on the floor."
―
Joan Rivers
Topic(s):
God
"I don’t excercise. If God had wanted me to bend over, he would have put diamonds on the floor."
―
Joan Rivers
Topic(s):
God
"Don’t follow any advice, no matter how good, until you feel as deeply in your spirit as you think in your mind that the counsel is wise."
―
Joan Rivers
Topic(s):
Good
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